Just watched the second installment of Prof. Richard Dawkins‘ documentary series The Root of All Evil?, where the eminent scientist and "Darwin’s Rottweiler" aims to debunk all religious belief as nothing more than superstition. My Grandad has no doubt been watching intently and nodding to himself with every sharp word Dawkins wields to work away at the thick ropes of religious bondage. He lost his faith when my Nan - a kinder and more altruistic person you could never hope to meet - became ill with Parkinsons disease and he had to look after her until her death fourteen years later.
Seeing the depth of his bitterness as he rails against organised faith and then watching Dawkins try not to boil over as he is confronted with some of the most bigoted, sexist, homophobic, murderous zealots on man’s Earth, who in God’s name laugh in the face of established scientific fact and the pursuit of reason, inspires me with a new conviction.
There is no God.
I immediately rushed to change my "religion" on MySpace from "agnostic" to "atheist". I can’t believe I didn’t do it sooner. I declared myself an agnostic while at school, so as to avoid having to commit, but now I see that ALL faith denies the very faculties we humans are blessed with: the ability to weigh evidence and come to a rational conclusion. It is preposterous to suggest that any genuinely benevolent power could allow the suffering of innocents - Camus was right. Some people would say I was party to a similar experience to those experienced by converts, and that I have been swayed by a convincing (anti-) preacher, but I would refute those claims. I have come to my own conclusion, based on years of self-searching. All Dawkins has done is given me the balls to admit it.
I’ve been feeling a bit rubbish over the last week or so. It’s been compounded by the fact that I’m ill, which always makes things seem worse than they actually are. Work is going well, so that’s good news, but other than that I just feel fed up. I miss Alison terribly and I know that it’s just going to get worse, I feel like I’m losing touch with my friends and I can’t seem to muster enthusiasm for anything at the moment. I’ve been having problems sleeping, too, which is proving hard to handle. I don’t know… maybe things will look brighter after the weekend.
