Archive for April, 2005

Absurd

Saturday, April 30th, 2005

GodotIn revising for my French period paper exam I have often come across the concept of the Absurd.  The twentieth century philosophical novelist, Albert Camus, used the term to describe the sheer meaninglessness of life.  The work of playwrights such as Ionesco and Samuel Beckett was later dubbed Theatre of the Absurd by the critic Martin Esslin in 1961.  It referred, in this case, to the tendency towards non sequitur and confusing language that characterised such plays as Waiting for Godot, Rhinoceros and The Bald Prima Donna.

Amidst the finals drudge, I think I have finally found the true meaning of the word.

Gertrude and Duck

Wednesday, April 27th, 2005

Gertrude_and_duck_003Gertrude’s baby looks a lot like a duck.  It’s huge.  How on earth did it come out of that little egg?  The wonders of modern science, eh?  Check out this rather lovely picture, taken by yours truly.

Rant

Monday, April 25th, 2005

SkoffingRight, time for a rant.  I’m excited about this.  Don’t take it personally, but I’ve created a list of "suggestions" to improve your* behaviour and thereby my quality of life.

  1. Stop fucking moaning; you’re making it worse.
  2. Stop talking yourself up, you fool!  It sounds awful.
  3. Stop wittering on about trivial things (ooh, hypocrite warning!)
  4. Don’t keep leaving your baby duck - it looks like it’s shivering.
  5. Fix our grill.
  6. Stop emailling me irrelevant nonsense.
  7. Write better poetry!  It can’t be that hard!
  8. And you can fuck off an’ all!

*This is not directed at you.  It’s directed at you.

Right, now I’ve got that out of the way I can concentrate on taking photos of Gertrude’s baby duck.

Collect this…

Saturday, April 23rd, 2005

What a week it’s been.  First orals on Monday and Tuesday, then heavy pub sessions on Tues and Wednesday afternoons / evenings, followed by hardcore revision on Thursday, collections on Friday and this morning… have finally had a chance for a bit of a break.

Gertrude’s chicks seem to have hatched, but she’s guarding them very closely so we can’t really tell.  I’ll keep you posted, bird fans.

BrechtwcigarThe other day I read Baal by my favourite Marxist playwright Bertolt Brecht.  Seriously - you have to check this shit out.  The protagonist is an absolute legend.  Although it is one of Brecht’s only major works to predate his Marxist and Epic commitments it’s a great example of the great man’s theatre.  He turned his back on it in later life because it didn’t contain a Socialist agenda and appeared to advocate an existence outside of society.  Brecht lamely excused it by saying it represented an asocial man in an asocial society.  Check it out for yourself.

Ratz

Tuesday, April 19th, 2005

Josephratzinger03Cardinal Ratzinger has become the new pope.  Another few years of hyper-conservative rule for the Catholic Church, then.  Thank God I’m an agnostic.

In other (German-related) news, I have now completed my oral / aural exams.  Whoopee-doo.  The exams were flish, frictionally speaking.  Made a superfast beeline for the Three Goats’ Heads post oral.  I was out at 5:25 and in this fine establishment, which has recently become my favourite pub of all time - largely due to its associations with deliverance as oppose to drudgery - by 5:45.

French Oral

Monday, April 18th, 2005

FrenchmanWell, I’ve now completed approximately 4.5% of my exams (not including the 9.1% I have under my belt thanks to my special subject paper), having survived my French Oral and Listening exams today.  They were surprisingly bearable, much to my delight.

The listening was about cloned cats - a most amusing topic.  My oral stimulus text was about Napoleon III’s reconstruction of Paris - a less than amusing topic.  German listening and oral exams tomorrow.  I’m not so bothered about these as I’m relatively comfortable with German.  Having said that, though, they’ll probably be bitches.

London Marathon

Sunday, April 17th, 2005

Paula_radcliffe"National Treasure" Paula Radcliffe has won the women’s section of the London Marathon.  Congraulations are in order, skinnylegs.  She stopped at one point, apparently.  Probably just to scare everyone.  Well, that would have been funny anyway.

I am always in awe of people who run marathons.  It’s not the venture that impresses me - ordinary people achieve the near-miraculous every day - rather the fact that anybody could possibly want to do something like that.  I have enough trouble dealing with my French oral & aural exams which are happening tomorrow.  Oh Lord.

UPDATE… Apparently Paula stopped to "relieve her bladder" by the side of the road.  Disgraceful.  Why didn’t she just wee on the way?  No one would have noticed if she was drinking lots of water and spilling it everywhere at the same time.  See this hilarious picture from b3ta.com - it sums it up nicely.

Photographic Rotating Cheese Board and Knife Set

Friday, April 15th, 2005

Rotating_cheese_boardJames came across this on the Argos website the other day when trying to decide what to get Jeremy for his birthday.  It appears to contain a photograph of some cheese and it rotates.  All for a bargainous £9.99.

If you wish to purchase this hilarious item then click here.

In case anyone from Argos (or the company that makes the cheeseboard) is reading this, I have come up with some suggestions to make it even snazzier:

  1. Make it personalisable by allowing the customer to insert his own photograph of, say, Mighty Mouse, Colchester, a pancake, my cat or Russ Abbot.  This will undoubtedly make the onerous task of cheese vivisection that little bit more bearable.
  2. Make the knife deadlier-looking.
  3. Employ a team of rabbits (and / or badgers) to wander the streets of Great Britain with minature versions of the item strapped to their backs.  That should corner the kiddies’ end of the market.
  4. Don’t open the window, Emily.

I took some hilarious pictures at Jez’s birthday bash last night.  Stay tuned.

Novalis

Tuesday, April 12th, 2005

NovalisIn the course of my revision I have been reading and summarising Novalis’ Heinrich von Ofterdingen, which is the most representative example of early German Romanticism that exists in novel form.

It’s basically about a young man of twenty who has a hard-on for poetry, but has never met a poet nor heard a poem.  He dreams about a blue flower (symbolizing some kind of sexual freedom, n’est-ce pas?) and his mother takes him on a journey to her native Augsburg, where she promises him some fitties and booze.  On the way he meets a hermit obsessed with history, a miner obsessed with the religious sanctity it affords him and a crazy poet called Klingsohr whose songs and rhymes are frankly bollocks.  However, the first bird he gets to chat up is a miserable cow called Mathilde and the soppy pratt falls head over heels for her.  God, don’t you just want to slap Romantic leads sometimes?

KantThis isn’t the worst of it, though.  In the ninth and final chapter of the first, and only completed part of the novel, the mad git Klingsohr tells the most obscure and contrived fairy story about some semi-divine characters who engage in dozens of random actions and interchanges for about twenty pages.  And this is supposed to symbolize the Romantics’ triumph over Enlightenment Rationalism?  God, give me some plain-talking Kant any day.

P.S. Friendster is still shit.

Gertrude II

Saturday, April 9th, 2005

Picture_003_1Gertrude was turned to face us this morning!  Here’s a picture of her doing so.  Note eggs.

Someone / something erased my Friendster profile.  All of it.  I can’t bloody believe it!  How did that happen, eh?  And I’ve had to write this post again, because the server deleted it, meaning I have to upload the photo again!

Sorry Friendster, but you are SHIT.